


Nerf War

by gotfandom



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-05 19:29:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1829569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotfandom/pseuds/gotfandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Rabbit finds a certain toy in the heating duct, the Walter Manor becomes an all out battlefield. </p><p> </p><p>Based off of the Tumblr post: http://frillious.tumblr.com/post/55665916080/qwertyanswers-thadeusbecile</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Begining

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unknown](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/57229) by frillious, puhpuhtooie, twigwise, curcurbita, thadeusbecile, and qwertyanswers. 



**Author's Note: I do not own Steam Powered Giraffe, or the characters. (but I wish I did...)**

 

 

     "Hey! Hey, th, Spine! Guess what I found!" Rabbit's joyous shout exclaimed. The Spine sighed  as his perfectly peaceful day was ruined. He knew it had seemed a little too quiet in the Walter manor.

     "Guess who doesn't care," he countered and continued reading. The Spine hoped that Rabbit had gone off to bug someone else. But, That would be too much to ask of the copper bot. The Spine cringed a small object smacked his face. He clutched the newspaper, and a look of unparallelled doom crossed his expression.

     "I thought I hid that thing," he whispered to himself.

     "It still works too!" Rabbit came strutting into the large sitting room with a sly smile on his face. He was loftily carrying a Nerf gun in his hand.

     "I wonder why it was in the heating duct though," he questioned.

     "I don't know, but you should put it back before The Jon or Hatchworth see it," the Spine replied, reaching for the plastic toy. Rabbit jerked his arm away.

     "N-n-n-no! I'm going to rule over all the Manor with my Nerf g- AH!" Rabbit gave a screech of surprise as four Nerf darts nailed him in the back of the head. The Spine sighed and sunk lower into his chair. The Jon not so much as strutted as he did traipse into the room. He took slow, long strides that looked absolutely ridiculous. His feathered top hat had been replaced with a cowboy hat. Two Nerf guns were holstered in his pockets.

     "This here town ain't big enough for the both of us," he said with a horrible western accent. Rabbit and the Jon stared each other down. The scene would have been complete if Titoli de Testa were playing.

     "Guys, don't," the Spine sighed, but they ignored him.

     "Draw!" announced the Jon. Quick as a bullet, the two pulled out their Nerf guns. Rabbit fired first, a foam dart striking the Jon in the chest. He gave a dramatic spin before collapsing onto the ground and playing dead. Seconds later, the two bots burst into a chorus of laughter.

     "I've got a great idea, let's go find Hatchworth!" Rabbit exclaimed.

     "Yeah!" the Jon replied and leapt to his feet.

     "No!" Groaned the Spine, but it was too late. His two automaton brothers had taken off to find someone else to bother.


	2. A Challanger Approaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word spreads quickly at the Walter manor. You never know who may be an ally, or who may be an enemy.

     After the small dispute, the Jon and Rabbit agreed on forming an alliance against their brothers. 

     "Where oh where could Hatchworth be hiding?" pondered the Jon, checking the Hall of Hamburgers again.

     "Not sure. Where d-d-d-does he usually stay?" Rabbit asked. The Jon gave a thoughtful look.

     "He likes to hang out with Sam in the kitchen," he said uncertainly. Rabbit brightened with a sly grin.

     "Perfect! We'll get the jump on both of them and hold them as prisoners until we can get more team members," The two bots trotted off in the direction of the kitchen. They stopped outside the doorway and carefully peered inside. Hatchworth and Sam were chatting as usual while making a random assortment of sandwiches.

     "Ready?"

     "Ready."

     "On the count of three. One...tw- Jon wait!" The excitable brass automaton raced into the kitchen, rapidly firing his gun at Hatchworth and Sam. Rabbit quickly followed. Sam dropped all of the sandwiches and used the platter as a shield. Hatchworth just stood there, a faint glow coming from his hatch. The Jon and Rabbit stopped as a Nerf-loaded canon came from Hatchworth's chest.

     "Surrender," he growled menacingly.

     "Never! We will fight till the end!" the Jon shouted, raising his gun in the air.

     "Y-y-y-yeah!" agreed Rabbit, copying his actions. Hatchworth didn't seem phased.

     "Very well," was all he said. The Nerf cannon gave a small whirl before the Jon and Rabbit instantly regretted what they had said. They fled the kitchen, shouting their defeat. All the while covered from head to toe in Nerf darts. Hatchworth smirked and allowed the canon to retract back into his hatch. He offered his hand for Sam.

     "Are you okay, friend-o?" he asked, the threat in his voice washing away like it was never there. Sam still clutched the platter, but got up and nodded.

     "I will be once I get an explanation for whatever that was," he replied and wearily watched the doorway. Hatchworth nodded slowly.

     "That's right. You, David, and Bunny haven't worked here long enough to experience a Nerf war," he muttered and Sam shook his head.

     "I have a feeling that this all started some time ago with Rabbit," he stated. Hatchworth smiled and nodded.

     "Oh yes. A few years back, about 1998, Rabbit discovered a small collection of Nerf guns. Now I'll remind you that this is actually only what I've heard in stories. I've been locked in the vault for so long," Hatchworth started. Sam nodded his acknowledgment and the automaton continued.

     "Apparently, these little shenanigans just started out as small games. The bots played dart tag with a few Walter workers. After nine years of playing little games amongst each other, things got real. Dart tag became a Nerf war. It was a literal battlefield. People holding others as prisoners, strategies, maps, it was chaotic. According to the Spine, this warfare went on for three months before a winner was finally declared."

     "Who won?" Sam asked

     "Peters V and VI did of course. They built some huge contraption and won the war by forcing everyone else to surrender. After that, the Spine hid all of the Nerf guns. Some in the heating ducts, some in the Hall of Wires, they are hidden all over the place," Hatchworth finished.

     "Now that Rabbit has found them..." Sam trailed off with a horror-struck look.

     "Yes. It is time. The Second Walter Nerf War has begun. Arm yourself, Sam. This could get hectic."


	3. War's A-brewin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When life gives you lemons, get a Nerf rifle!

     Thinking shoving a plastic toy in a heating duct would prevent Rabbit from finding it was like thinking putting a zebra in a tree would prevent a starving lion from getting it. There was absolutely nothing on planet Earth that could stop Rabbit from getting what he wanted. But, if a war was what he wanted, the Spine at least had to try. The door to the Hall of Wires came open. Electronics buzzed, lights flashed, and the hall became alive as the Spine entered.

     "K. GREETINGS ROBUT. PLZ INPUT ID CODE. THNX," QWERTY's standard greeting chimed.

     "Start voice recognition. The Spine," he replied

     "VOICE MATCHED. WELCOME THE SPINE. KTHNXBIA," QWERTY said again. Mechanical arms came from the floor and waited for the usual routine to begin. The Spine put his fingers to the back of his neck.

     _Click!_

_Kshhhhhh!_

The Spine removed his head from his torso, and a billow of steam came from the empty space where his head once sat. The mechanical arms grabbed the rest of him while he ascended the mass of wires. The Spine made his way through the seemingly endless maze of twisted cords and wiring. It took a good thirty minutes before he reached his destination. Tangled amongst the knots of wires was a blue, plastic Nerf rifle. The rifle was three feet long with a range of at least thirty-five feet, and then some with the extension barrel. It was the ultimate weapon. The Spine coiled his snake-like self around the rifle and freed it from its hiding spot. He clambered back out of the wires until he could get a clear shot to the floor.

     "QWERTY, catch!" he commanded loudly and threw the rifle to the floor. Another pair of mechanical arms easily grabbed the rifle. The Spine made his way back down from the curtain of wires high above the ground. Once he reassembled himself, The Spine took the rifle and began heading out.

     "NEEDS MOAR FLARE," QWERTY bleeped.

     "Flare?" the Spine echoed. An idea came to his mind. The silver automaton grabbed his black trench coat and a pair of shutter shades. He quickly threw them on and stood at the ready. QWERTY cooed slightly.

     "NERF OR NUTHIN' LOLZ!" the computer exclaimed. The Spine gave a curt nod and burst out of the Hall of Wires. He nearly kicked the door down and defiantly startled Walter Girl Chelsea.

     "Whoa! Easy, slow down," she said quickly as she jumped out of the way of the flying door. The Spine tipped his fedora.

     "Sorry about that, Miss Chelsea. I'm in a hurry," he explained. The Walter Girl stared at his ridiculous get-up.

     "I want to ask you what's going on, but I'm not sure I want to know," she muttered.

     "Well, uh..." The Spine searched for the words to explain the recent happenings, "Let's just say you should probably arm yourself. There's a war a-brewin'." Without another word, the Spine trotted away with haste.

     "Rabbit found the Nerf guns, didn't he?" she called after him.

     "I'm afraid so. I must go now, the Manor needs me!"

 


	4. Author's Note!

Hey everyone! I'm really sorry for making you guys wait so long for an update. I got caught up with school. Unfortunantly, I made you wait so long to say that this story is on a short hiatus until I get the muse to continue it. In the mean time, I might try to work on some other story ideas that I have. Updates for any story will come slower now that I have a lack of computer. Bear with me friends, I'll get back on this eventually. Bye~


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